so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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