How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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