every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize