I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
