Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize