last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
