she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
