a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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