i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
