Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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