Will you blow on my dice?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
