is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
