sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
as a side note pls kill me
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