Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
