I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
