Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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