he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
