I love black thongs
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
