I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
