i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
