Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
