Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just found puke in my bra..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
