Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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