The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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