we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
