Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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