I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
