i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
