I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
