I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
