Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
