My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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