he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
