I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
