god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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