If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Houston, we have a squirter
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
