I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
