he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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