Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
