You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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