hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
