do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize