It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
