the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
