a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize