I think I won the penis lottery.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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