hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
