IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
