The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
