If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
