I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
