Four minutes until I can fart!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
