I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
