You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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