Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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