You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
