: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
