there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
you never un-have a 4some
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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