Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
