I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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