He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
