I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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