I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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